Cattle Productions LTD

Live Dates & Bookings The Show


Cattle Productions Ltd. was formed by two bumbling idiots in a pub, on 7th December 2011.  You can read more about those two berks below.


The dream was to create a world of theatre that was like no other: shows with unique twists; peculiar adaptations of existing stories; shows that our audiences would rave about, and go away feeling a sense of absolute thrill from what they had just witnessed.


So far, our company is definitely like no other, as we’ve achieved bugger all – until now.


After six years of planning, research, writing, development and all of that other bull, our hard work and determination has finally paid off.  2017 marks the year of our first live tour.  See our ‘The Show’ page for more details!


It may have been a long time coming, but we always kept the faith.  We knew we’d make it one day, one way or the udder.


The Steak Holders














The Writer

He is both talented and ugly.  He writes the shows and insults the cast.  Very sarcastic.  Disliked by many; adored by few.

He is a published author of three murder mystery novels, which are absolutely fantastic, according to him.


When asked about his vision for the company, he gave this response:


“My vision?  To entertain people and make them laugh.  Laughter is one of the best sounds we can ever hear and the world needs it.  If we can make a room full of people laugh, it means for those few hours they are happy and can forget their troubles.  I want happiness and laughter for everybody.”


















Useless Lump


Phil is a buffoon.  He used to be a nice person until he met Dan.  However, he is an avid reader: TV-guides, takeaway menus – he’s read them all!  He also has an interest in bodybuilding – the muscles in his right arm are huge.


When asked about his vision for the company, he gave this response:


“Can you ask me later?  I’m in the middle of storing my local chip shop on speed-dial.”


We can be contacted at cattleproductionsltd@hotmail.co.uk